You can only walk on thin ice for so long before it breaks under the weight of your doubts.

“You can spend your whole life thinking you want commitment. You grow up with a clear idea of exactly what it is that you want, and yet when you have it, when it’s there, attainable, on your doorstep, you change your mind. Perhaps this is what we need: a dream, a hope for the future, something to aspire to, and perhaps we need to keep replacing this dream with something a little bigger, because when we manage to fulfill the dream, we usually find out that it’s not what we wanted in the first place, or if it is, it doesn’t feel the way we always thought it should. Sometimes, if you’re very mixed up, very stupid, or very thoughtless, you screw up the dream just as you get it. you tell yourself you don’t deserve it, and you have to start all over again.” — Jane Green

Somehow I am comforted by all that has happened because it really isn't that much of a pain to me anymOre? MOre like a kind of relief and release from a prison of sorts, the kind with no physical barriers yet there are a million restrictions I placed on myself, of nobody's fault but mine because I gave myself the kind of pressure and stress that others have not applied on me? The kind of response I get from others is like, "Don't cry, you don't cry, juz dun cry?" A form of torture you say, yet euphoric in the highest forms, I experienced the kind of bliss only imaginable and happiness that is able to shake my soul many times over, enough to send mi to the asylum some day? Therefore being free from the one who controls mi heart and being able to breathe and live each day afterwards, unconsciously I am getting stronger, subconsciously I formed a higher standard of expectations from the next wave I will receive, no matter who it will be from. For all the things in life that I can control, such as choosing to learn from circumstances unknown to me, unpredictable to me, unplanned by me, being thrown into oblivion and a sudden drop into hell, been and back from the darkest and deepest seas, alive.. could be the best feeling of the world, not succumbing to danger nor injury, for time heals all wounds... I live each day in the most exciting fashion...

“This is an important lesson to remember when you’re having a bad day, a bad month, or a really bad year: Things will change. You won’t feel this way forever. And anyway, sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs the most. I believe you can’t feel real joy unless you’ve felt heartache. You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can’t know what it’s like to feel holy until you know what it’s like to feel really very evil, and you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died.” - Kelly Cutrone

Things are changing for the better. The law of attraction - Act positively to attract positive energy into our lives, Act and think negatively and we will attract negativity into our lives. The only people that you will attract into your life when you will delve into respecting this law are people that are exactly like you. If you are a sad person, then you will attract a sad person. If you crack jokes all the time, then you will also be able to find someone that is funny and says very good jokes. It is how this law works.

Someone always v scared of everything... I think.. COZ she do a lot of bad and evil things dats why she scared retribution... =)