It is over

months later... i am back here in so much pain... i tried to bring a small part of my heart to her something gentle something that asked for nothing but presence. she answered with distance, not cruelty just the kind of distance that quietly says “don’t come closer.” and maybe that hurts more than being pushed away. because i wasn’t trying to take anything. i just wanted to offer a moment. a memory. me. and she gave me logistics. dates. work hours. reasons. but not warmth. not softness. not the “i see you” i had hoped for. so i told her i’d stop. that i wouldn’t bother again. and she replied like it was two different things — me reaching, her refusing. maybe it was. maybe i’ve been pouring love into hands that never planned to stay open. and now i see it. she didn’t push me away. she just never moved closer. and i mistook stillness for safety. but today, i deactivate. not out of bitterness but because i need silence louder than her indifference. because if i keep reaching, i’ll forget how to hold myself. so here i am. no longer chasing the echo. just learning how to become my own warmth in the cold she left behind.

I release you

Not because I stopped caring, but because I started noticing who did. I release you — not in anger, but in acceptance. You were never meant to hold something so soft with hands so guarded. I showed up gently. I waited patiently. I asked for very little — just a space that felt safe beside you. But love shouldn’t feel like guessing. It shouldn’t leave me wondering if I was too much, or never enough. So this is me, no longer shrinking to stay visible. No longer hoping you’ll say what you never will. No longer waiting for proof from someone who shows everything through silence. I loved you in real time. You responded in delay. And maybe that’s all it ever was. So I let go — not because I want to, but because I finally know how to. And still… I wish you peace. I wish you ease. But I no longer wish to keep holding what’s never truly held me back.

U dun hav to chase mountains or pple who make ur heart tired

Dear Heart, You don’t have to chase mountains—or people—who make your heart tired. Some connections are like long treks: beautiful, meaningful, but exhausting when you're the only one carrying the weight. It's okay to pause. It's okay to breathe. It's okay to rest. You don’t need to keep climbing to prove your love. You don’t need to send another message to show you care. You don’t need to reach out just to feel close. You have already given so much—more than most would. And that is enough. Let someone finish the climb. Let the mountain be the mountain. You? You return to yourself. You build a home in your own softness. If someone comes down and looks for you—wonderful. If someone doesn’t—you still loved with truth and courage. You are allowed to love. You are allowed to stop. And you are allowed to protect your peace. With gentleness, Me (your quiet strength)

MBA for one

No group chats ping, no buddies near, Just me, my notes, and stale old cheer. My coffee’s cold, my brain’s awake, This journey’s mine—make no mistake! The books don’t gossip, cheat, or flake, They stay with me for every break. No need for promises, plans gone wrong, Just one more case—this night is long! While others snooze or change their minds, I crunch the numbers, read the signs. No squad, no hype, but that’s okay— This MBA is mine to slay!

I should put it behind me, shouldn’t I?

Did I love too loudly, speak in colors you never wanted to see? Did my hands reach too far, grasping for something you were never willing to give? Was it the way I stayed, the way I waited, the way I let my heart unfold in your silence— did that make me foolish, or just naive enough to believe you would catch me? Tell me, was it my words that pushed you away, or the weight of what they meant? Did I cross the line by wanting more than you were willing to hold? I replay the moments, soft edges turned sharp, searching for the place where I became too much, too close, too desperate to be chosen. And now, I stand alone at the edge, whispering to the ghost of what we were, wondering if I was ever meant to step inside your world— or if I was always just an outsider to your love. This version leans deeper into raw vulnerability, self-doubt, and the ache of feeling like you loved too much. Want it even more intense, or more dreamlike?

Meeting my younger self for coffee (when Im not NBM and not down with GE)

Both of us arrived 1 hour early. She sits before me, hands curled around a cup too full, spoon clinking against porcelain, stirring like she can slow time. Her eyes, wide with wonder, scan my face for secrets— for answers, for proof that the world did not break us. I want to reach across the table, trace the softness still in her bones, tell her not to give it all away. But she is glowing, bright with a hope that is so shining. “Do we make it?” she asks, voice light as steam rising, and I laugh, soft and knowing. “We do. In ways you wouldn’t expect.” She exhales relief, unaware of the storms she will carry, the names she will whisper like prayers before learning to let go. I sip my coffee, watching her, memorizing the version of myself who still believes love is forever, who does not flinch at the word goodbye. I could warn her. I could tell her about the nights we unravel, the doors that close too soon, the hands that slip away. But she does not need my grief— not yet. So I smile, tuck the ache between sips, and let her dream a little longer. ◡̈

A conversation with myself

Will u notice if I am gone? I could disappear today, fade into the quiet, let the wind carry mi name away— and would u even notice? You used to send me hearts, like breadcrumbs leading me back to uuu, small, warm proofs that I mattered. But now, ur words come in fragments, cold, distant, careful. Is this how u leave? Not in a storm, not with final words, but in silence, slow, steady, unnoticed— like a tide retreating while I stand still. If I stop reaching out, will uuu reach back? Or will uuu breathe easier, relieved that I stopped trying? I fear that if I let go, u will too. But maybe u already have, and I’m the only one left here...

Was the high worth the pain?

I touched the sky with borrowed wings, Drunk on dreams and blingbling things. Laughter spilled like falling rain, Never thinking of the pain The warmth, the heights and whispered nights, A world aglow in fleeting lights. But stars that burn too bright must fade, And love once soft can turn to shade ur words grew sharp, ur touch turned cold, A story left hanging and left half-told. I reached for warmth, was met with frost— A promise lost, a debt unpaid Was the high worth all the fall? The sweetest high, the hardest wall? Perhaps the past was made of glass, Meant to shatter, not meant to last. And though the echoes still remain, I ask no more as it still rains— Perhaps in dreams, I’ll feel that glow But waking now- I feel you go